


Fairy Godmothers Inc.

by SerialObsessor (ibelieveinturtles)



Series: Donuts in My Bra and Other Stories [4]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers in hiding, Gen, Interdimensional wormhole generator theft, Pizza fairies bring pizza, Reverse Goldilocks AU, Science fairies do science, no cryo for Bucky, tequila fairies leave tequila, who's been leaving limes in my fridge?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10004210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinturtles/pseuds/SerialObsessor
Summary: Jane and Darcy play Fairy Godmother to a bunch of superheroes in hiding.It's a secret hideout, so who put limes in the fridge while we were out fighting bad guys?





	1. Bread Molds and Limes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turntostone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turntostone/gifts).



> Another Fic Title Prompt from Tumblr
> 
> llygaidwideshut asked a question  
> Bread molds and lime... Do your magic
> 
> General rogue Avengers, no cryo for Bucky, Goldilocks AU kind of??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Darcy play Fairy Godmother to a bunch of superheroes in hiding.
> 
> It's a secret hideout, so who put limes in the fridge while we were out fighting bad guys?

**  
Bread Molds and Lime**

 

* * *

 

 

 The food thing was becoming a problem. Hiding out in the middle of nowhere makes it difficult to obtain the basic necessities of life, especially when they’re still taking off every few days to fight the good fight (even if it is incognito and in the dark). And they often don’t make it back home for several days, seeing as they don’t have supersonic jets and other fancy equipment to get them to and from their adopted mercy missions any more.

 There's no one around to take care of things while they aren’t there, so any supplies that they do manage to find often aren’t usable (let alone edible) by the time they get back. Except this time it’s different.

 Somehow, along with the usually half loaf of moldy bread and almost solid three inches of milk, there are half a dozen bright green, perfectly fresh limes in the fridge.

 Two hours of searching later they’ve found evidence that Someone has been there, but isn’t any more. It’s a bit like Goldilocks - a couple of beds have been slept in, some of the furniture has been shifted around, and yeah. Instead of a couple of half eaten bowls of porridge, there’s limes. It’s Bucky that finds the empty tequila bottles (yes, plural is correct!) in the bottom of the recycling bin.

 When Clint sees them, he relaxes, and tells everyone there’s nothing to worry about. Next time they head out on a mercy mission, he leaves a note in the coffee tin. If he’s right, and they’re really lucky, this time they’ll come back to a well stocked everything, and maybe… just maybe… the tequila bottles won’t be empty.

 


	2. Darcy Lewis, Tequila Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tequila Fairy is hard at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liebekatze said " Darcy as the Tequila Fairy is priceless!!" in the comments so I rolled with it.

**Darcy Lewis, Tequila Fairy**

 

  
A couple of weeks later and it's another covert fight-the-bad-guys-but-don't-let-anyone-know-it's-us mission, another narrow escape from people who want to lock them up, or control them, or both and another arrival home to empty cupboards and moldy bread. Clint’s still hopeful for bottles of tequila, preferably ones that aren't empty already though.

His wish is granted. They plod through the door and there standing on the kitchen bench are two bottles of tequila, half a dozen packets of instant mac and cheese, several cartons of long life milk, a large bowl of oranges and apples and a large tin of instant coffee.

Steve immediately goes into seek and destroy mode, Sam and Bucky hot on his heels. Scott's not sure what's going on, and Clint almost falls to his knees singing praises to the Tequila Fairy.

Naturally, it's Clint that realises there's a note under the bottles. He starts laughing, which brings Steve back to room.

The note reads, ‘Enjoy your poison birdbrain, here's some real-ish food to go with it. Will try and fit more stuff in next time, love from, your friendly Tequila Fairies.  
PS - leave the note on the counter next time, we almost didn't see it.’

It's signed with a big D & J.

Once Clint starts laughing everyone except Steve relaxes and Sam nominates himself to cook up some dinner while everyone else cleans up. Clint manages to convince Steve that they're not in any danger and he doesn't need to start looking for a new secret hideout - the Tequila Fairy would just be annoyed at having to find them again.

Dinner is good, the Tequila is better, and everyone sleeps well, which is another good thing because somehow Steve hears about more bad guys that need taking out, and they're off again first thing in the morning.

Everyone's a lot happier for the food, and when the deliveries continue, albeit haphazardly, and containing interesting food choices, no one really complains. Much.

 

 

 


	3. Darcy Lewis, Pizza Fairy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fairies show up in person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help myself...

**Darcy Lewis, Pizza Fairy.**

 

 

Fast forward a couple of months and strangely there's been no deliveries from the self proclaimed fairies for a few weeks. They're down to the last of the supplies, and it's looking like they'll be back to fending for themselves again.

They've all had showers and Sam is getting ready to cook up a packet of pasta that he found at the back of the cupboard. All they've got to go with it is a jar of pesto and most of a bottle of capers. (No one likes capers, which is why it's an almost full bottle.)

The water’s barely starting to boil when the door opens, violently crashing against the wall and startling everyone present. A woman enters backwards, using her hip to hold the door open as her arms are full of pizza boxes. She's talking to someone else still outside.

“No way Jane, this is definitely the best place to be, and-” she looks over her shoulder at the speechless group, “see? I told you they were definitely at home. Hey guys!” she waves cheerfully as Clint darts forward and relieves her of her burden.

“Hey Darcy,” Clint says, giving her a quick peck on the cheek in thanks. “I was beginning to think you weren't coming back.”

“We've been busy,” she smiles at him as she carefully slips a heavy bag off her shoulder and places it on the floor next to a chair.

“You know her?” Steve cuts through all the other clamouring voices. When Clint turns back around everyone except Scott has an ‘I have a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it,’ face on.

“This is Darcy Lewis, and that,” he nods as Jane appears behind Darcy, “is Doctor Jane Foster. These are our tequila fairies.”

“Thor's Jane?”

“I'm my own Jane. Or you could say, Jane's Thor,” Jane interjects as she pushes past Darcy. “And we brought pizza so I wouldn't get too crotchety if I were you,” she says snappishly. She passes her own stack of pizzas to Scott and then puts her hands on her hips. “Well why are you all just standing there. There's half a dozen crates of supplies outside, I want them all brought in and stacked neatly before anyone gets pizza.”

The men hop to it and a very short time later everyone is too busy stuffing their faces to talk, and it is generally agreed that further conversation can wait for later. Pizza is bliss, and no one wants to spoil it.

 

 

 


	4. Darcy Lewis, Monologue Fairy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy talks. Everyone else listens.

**Darcy Lewis, Monologue Fairy.**

  
The pizza boxes are cleared away, and the ragtag group is ready for the explanation behind the visits, the food, and the tequila.

Darcy talks.

“So we asked Heimdall if he knew where you were, and he said he could drop us right in the front yard if we wanted, but I didn't think leaving bifrost patterns all over the place was a good idea, so I asked him to put us down about a mile down the road instead. It was a pretty nice walk all told, and Thor knows the exercise is good for me. I mean, it's not like we haven't been running for the last six months anyway, right? Honestly, that fucker Ross needs his head read, or better yet, punched in. But back to why we were here that first time, we really just wanted to scope the place out and see what we could do to help you out. We'd actually expected you to be here but I guess you all must have had to scramble while we were taking our afternoon stroll up the hill.”

Steve and Sam are listening in glazed fascination, Bucky can't take his eyes off her and Scott is as equally interested in his pizza as in Darcy's monologue.

“Anyway, it was more of a reconnaissance visit,” she continues, “so we could get some references for the machine.”

“You left limes,” Sam reminds her.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about those. We meant to leave you one of the bottles as well but hey,” she shrugs. “We were both really pissed and binge drinking happened.”

She takes a bite of pizza, which Clint thinks she must swallow whole as when she starts talking again her mouth is empty.

“We figured dropping you guys supplies was a good way to get the machine calibrated. I mean, we went other places as well but by using this place as a sort of control, scientifically speaking, we got the whole thing working properly!”

There's a collection of pizza-dazed stares, as brains catch up with ears.

“What thing?” Steve asks the question everyone is thinking.

Jane looks up in surprise.

“Why, my portable wormhole generator of course.”

 

 


	5. Jane Foster, Wormhole Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will I stop??
> 
> Also, I'm going to change the title of the story I think- it's kind of wandered away from the initial premise :-D

 

**Jane Foster, Wormhole Fairy**

 

  
“You've got a portable wormhole generator?” Steve asks, as if he's not really comprehending anything that he's been witness to since the door slammed open.

Clint and Sam both turn and eye Steve off with worried glances.

“Did you take a hit that you didn't tell us about today?” Sam asks suspiciously.

“Um…” The guilty look on his face says it all. “What? I'm fine, it wasn't worth mentioning!” he protests in self defense but no one's buying it.

“You're a goddamn idiot Steve,” Bucky says with a loud sigh. “Do we have to go back to the buddy system?”

Jane and Darcy watch, fascinated with the bickering that continues as Sam hustles Steve off to check him over properly.

“Does he do that often?” Darcy asks the remaining fugitives.

“Yep,” Clint says at the same time Bucky pipes up with, “Only his whole damn life,” and Scott adds “He's an ostrich - what we don't know, doesn't hurt him. Or something like that.”

Darcy huffs, grins, then she snorts and then after the barest minimum effort at control bursts into peals of laughter.

“Ostrich…” she squeaks, and claps her hand over her mouth to try and hold back the noise.

They stare at her and then Bucky's mouth twitches and lifts at one corner - he fights the smile but it's not working. He lets out a weird muffled choking noise, and then he's laughing almost as hard as Darcy. Scott and Clint grin widely, and when Sam walks back into the room wanting to know “What in the hell is going out here?” they start laughing too.

Scott's the first to recover himself.

“So... a portable wormhole generator?” He asks eagerly as he regains control. “Did you bring it with you?”

Jane shakes her head. “Unfortunately you can't move it while it's actually generating the wormhole, so we had to leave it behind.”

Everyone stops laughing.

“However!” Jane continues, “We asked Heimdall to take it as soon as we came through, and he'll be sending it down first thing tomorrow morning. All we have to do then, is retrieve it,” she finishes happily.

 

 


	6. Jane Foster, Brisk Morning Walk Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a nice stroll in the forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I woke up stupid early to find that Turntostone has borrowed the portable wormhole generator for her story. And I thought... I can use that!!! :-)

**Jane Foster, Brisk Morning Walk Fairy**

 

  
It's a bit of a struggle to fit everyone in come bedtime but there's some creative thinking and everyone is mostly comfortable. They'll figure it all out properly tomorrow.

Jane and Darcy are up early and they're noisy - even by Team Cap standards - but they've made coffee so the boys don't complain. Much.

Bucky is watching Jane fiddle with a small electronic device as Darcy listens to Steve apologise for his behaviour the previous evening. She waves it off.

“Dude don't sweat it. I wouldn't trust me if I'd barged in with no warning like that either. I was prepared though,” she drops her voice to a low murmur. “I have credentials.”

She dips a hand into a pocket and pulls out a folded picture. It's of her and Natasha, and Nat's smiling as Darcy plants a dramatic kiss on her cheek.

Steve smiles. It's a good photo. He gives it back.

“So what are your plans now?” he asks, leaning against the bench, arms folded across his chest.

“We go get the wormhole generator,” she says cheerily.

“How are you gonna do that?”

Darcy points at Jane. “See that little doohickey? It detects the homing signal that we put into the machine..She flicks the switch, the signal turns on, we find our machine. Simple.”

Jane thumps the device hard on the bench as they watch and Steve flinches a little.

“Okay I think it's working now,” Jane announces. “Who's coming with us?”

**

They end up taking Sam, Steve and Bucky while Scott and Clint stay behind to cook up some breakfast. It's a cold cloudy day and the sun is just a slightly brighter patch of cloud hanging over the horizon. Jane leads them into the trees, her little tracking machine pinging merrily into the fresh morning air just like the ones in the Alien movies. So reassuring.

They walk (mostly) steadily through the scrubby forest for almost an hour, the pinging getting subtly louder and faster the closer they get. Jane announces that they're almost there when suddenly the pinging just  
.. stops. Jane frowns. She hits the doohickey with her hand and tries again. Still nothing.

“Is there a problem?” Steve asks.

Jane looks up. “It seems to have disappeared. I mean, we were almost on top of it…” she walks forward again, banging the device some more and not really watching where she's going. She bumps into a tree.

“Maybe it's just that thing,” Sam nods at the now pingless pinger. “Everyone spread out and take a look.”

The group widens out, and a few minutes later Darcy sings out, “Heey… i got something over here!”

They all push through the now thicker undergrowth and tumble out into a small clearing. There's strange patterns on the ground, which everyone except Bucky recognises as Bifrost scorch. There's no generator though.

“Well, shit.”

 

 

 


	7. A Trio Of Superhero Fairies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wormholes and inappropriate touching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turntostoneturntostone's Jane finished with the wormhole generator and it's back!

**A Trio Of Superhero Fairies**

 

Everyone just mulls around for a few minutes - no one is sure what to do now. A thorough inspection of the Bifrost landing site reveals no trace whatsoever of footprints, wheel ruts, tire tracks, animal prints or anything else that could even remotely give a clue as to where the portable wormhole generator could be. Jane and Darcy are standing in the middle of the pattern fiddling with the detector when Steve and Bucky both become aware of a strange buzzing noise. It gets louder quite quickly, and Sam notices it less than a minute after the super soldier twins. They’re all looking around, trying to figure out where the noise is coming from when a wormhole starts to open up right behind Jane and Darcy.

  
All three men dive around the burgeoning rip in time and space at the same time, and there’s a huge tangle of arms and legs as they all roll across the clearing and land heavily in one big pile at the foot of a tree.

  
The detector starts pinging again. Loudly.

  
“Someone’s hand is on my boob,” Darcy announces blithely. “But that’s okay, because I think my hand is pressed up against someone’s-”

  
“Okay, everybody up now!” Steve springs to his feet double quick, pulling Jane after him. Darcy, Sam and Bucky are left lying on the ground - Bucky behind and half below the young woman, (both arms wrapped around her and it's obvious whose hand is on her boob,) Sam on top (and with Bucky positioned the way he is, and Darcy's hands can't be seen at all, it's a pretty good guess as to where her hand is) - and a good old Mexican stare off is in full force between Sam and Darcy. After staring at each other for another full 30 seconds Darcy speaks again.

  
“So… is this gonna be a never-speak-of-this-again thing, or a come-see-me-later thing?”

  
“How about option A for now, but leave option B open for negotiation at a later date?” Sam suggests without breaking eye contact.

  
“I’m good with that,” Bucky volunteers from below.

  
Darcy nods, and smirks; Sam flinches, and then they awkwardly roll away from each other and clamber to their feet.

  
Bucky stays where he is for a moment longer, because he’s too busy laughing behind his metal hand to move straight away, Steve is frowning and trying not laugh, and Jane is more interested in her newly returned wormhole generator.

  
“Someone’s been fiddling with this,” she announces as she squats down next to it and pokes at something. “There’s a new control panel - with extra buttons and a dial.”

  
Darcy is at her side more quickly than any of the men expected, and she’s poking at the new dial and buttons right alongside Jane.  
It’s a good thing that the three men have gathered around the generator as well because suddenly there’s a ripple in the air, a slight whooshing sound, and about three feet of the tree trunk directly in front of them disappears. The rest of the tree, unfortunately, comes crashing down right on top of… Steve and Bucky, who have both automatically moved to catch it.

  
“Oops,” says Jane. 

 

 


	8. Jane Foster, Science!Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane does Science!

  
**  
“What the hell was that?” Sam demands to know as Steve and Bucky carefully lower the tree to the ground.

  
“I’d like to know the answer to that question too,” Steve says in a voice that is threatening removal of all wormhole generator operating privileges if someone doesn’t explain themselves very soon.

  
“I think…” Jane says slowly, “that someone has modified this to be a matter disintegrator as well as a wormhole generator.”

  
“How is that even possible?” Sam says in disbelief.

  
“Well, the principles are remarkably similar. If you assume that the subdynamic properties for a wormhole are compatible with the subatomic-” Jane has suddenly dropped into her ‘I’m about to explain a lot of really technical stuff that no one else is going to understand’ voice and Darcy becomes the newest superhero when she cuts Jane off with “Can we move it Janey? Cos I’m hungry and I want breakfast and we've been out here for aaaaages.”

  
Jane blinks, and then as if a conductor has suddenly raised his baton, all five stomachs grumble in symphony.

  
“Right. Breakfast. Good idea.”

  
Jane squats down again and everyone hurriedly moves behind her.

  
“It's okay!” she says reassuringly. “I've turned it off, nothing's going to happen now.”

  
“So you say,” Sam says doubtfully and there are nods of agreement from Steve and Bucky.

  
**

  
The men take it in turns to carry the generator back to the cabin. It's not really heavy, as Jane has designed it to be light enough to carry herself, but through this terrain it does get awkward after a while. The return trip takes a little longer than the outward one did, but just over an hour later they're back. As soon as the generator is safely secure in the nearby woodshed they troop inside to demolish the impressive breakfast that's waiting for them.

  
And then it's time for investigations and explanations.

  
Jane and Darcy wait until Steve is occupied with other matters (he gets volunteered for dish washing duties) before disappearing out to the woodshed. They don't get anywhere near as much time to look at the modifications to the wormhole generator as they'd like too, before Steve shows up with everyone else in tow.

  
Darcy places herself firmly between Jane and the looming shadow of righteousness, all set to defend and protect til death do us part. She's relieved when she doesn't have to.

  
“It's okay - we just wanted to check and see if you needed any help?” Clint asks. “Scott's a mechanical engineer.”

  
Jane's head pops up fairly quickly at this revelation. “If he's anything like Stark he can just leave right now.”

  
“Nah, Scott's good people. He's been looking after Barnes's arm for him.”

  
The women exchange a look, and then Darcy steps aside. Jane appears at the door with the generator in hand.

  
“Is there somewhere we can test it?” she asks.

  
“Are you sure that's wise?” Sam asks, having already seen it in action.

  
“I've managed to isolate and identify the new controls,” Jane says. “It's amazing - it's as if I did this myself. Everything I thought of checking for was right first time! I mean - it's a bit wonky, looks like it was done in a bit of a hurry - but I'm pretty sure I can operate it safely this time.”

  
“There's a clearing up against a cliff not too far away,” Bucky says. “How does that sound?”

  
“Perfect.” Jane beams happily.

  
**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised that I haven't linked to turntostones fic yet… this is what happened to the wormhole generator.   
> [Real is a fluid concept. OR: How NOT to Meet People](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10067486/chapters/22433978)


	9. Sidekick Fairies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane investigates her machine, and Sam and Darcy flirt (kind of. If you squint).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know what I'm doing...

Before they go anywhere, Jane insists she has to inspect her machine properly. As well as the new control panel, it now has a few new components, and Jane mutters quietly to herself as she traces wiring, inspects doodads, and fiddles with connections. At some stage Darcy has slipped her a notebook and pencil, and the focused scientist is scribbling furiously as she tries to figure out what’s been done to her precious baby. Then she finds the not-really-hidden-but-not-entirely-obvious compartment in the control panel. It’s got notes in it. And a message.

_ ‘Jane - thanks for the loan of your PWG. I made some adjustments - it's now a PMDAWG. I left you my notes, Jane.' _

“So, you somehow borrowed your own machine, fiddled with it, and then left yourself notes,” Scott summarises from where he's watching Jane work. “That’s super weird.”

Jane frowns. “It’s definitely my writing, and I’d know my own work anywhere - it definitely looks like I did this…see? Detailed notes, blueprints…ooh, and a list of everything that’s been added to it!”

“Does this kind of thing happen to you a lot?” Sam asks Darcy quietly, as Jane points out some of the machine's key features to Scott.

“Well, we haven’t had  **this** happen to us before,” Darcy says, waving her hand at the generator from where she's busily propping up a wall by leaning on it. “But if you include Thor falling out of the sky and Dark Elves invading - then yes, this kind of thing happens.”

“And I thought the shit I got  **my** self into was crazy,” he mutters, and Darcy giggles.

“We should totally sit down and compare notes sometime,” she says. “I bet I can out weird you any day.”

“Yeah?” Sam rises to the challenge. “One dull, ordinary morning, I go for my usual run. Less than a week later, I'm on the run from a terrorist organisation that's been presumed destroyed, nearly 70 years before.”

“I tased Thor,” Darcy replies promptly. 

“Had my steering wheel ripped out of my car while doing 60 miles an hour on the freeway,” Sam responds, and the hurt and offense caused by that particular incident is still clearly obvious in his tone of voice.

“Hit Thor with the car,” Darcy retorted.

“Helped take down the helicarriers.”

“I had birds come **out of the ground** and fly past me!”

“Narrowly escaped being executed by Hydra.”

“Almost had a spaceship fall on top of me.”

“Leapt out of a collapsing building to be caught by a helicopter.”

Darcy blinks and pauses. “Okay, that one actually sounds pretty badass.”

“It was terrifying,” Sam confides. “I was  **this** close to being chopped in half by a rotor.”

“I was almost killed by Dark Elves,” Darcy adds. “That was pretty scary.”

“And yet, you stayed,” Sam points out, grinning.

“So did you,” Darcy grins back. “And here we are.”

“Honestly? Are you two really having a sidekick pissing contest?” Clint asks as he appears from nowhere. 

“Of course not,” Darcy says, winking at Sam. “We're just comparing notes. Anyway, we'd need all the sidekicks here for that, and some of them seem to be missing.”

“Who else is a- Nope, you know what, I don't wanna know,” Clint says and then raises his voice, “Barnes and I made lunch. Everyone has to go wash up, then come and eat.” 

“I'll be there in a minute-” Jane starts but Clint talks right over top of her.

“Nuh uh, Jane - right now. Darcy - can you…?” He waves a hand in Jane's general direction  as Darcy pushes away from the wall.

“Come on, Jane. Otherwise you'll be here for another three hours.” She carefully walks over, reaches down to take the screwdriver out of her hand, and gently tugs Jane to her feet.

Darcy escorts Jane out the door, and Clint carefully locks up behind them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I think the've all been sidekicks at some stage...
> 
> Relationship tags will get an update soon
> 
> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


	10. Darcy Lewis, Sneaky Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time to see what Jane's Portable Matter Disintegrator and Wormhole Generator (or PMDAWG) does… or is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had 600 words written since July…
> 
> Un-beta'd, so if there's any mistakes, I apologise. Commas are over-rated anyway ;-)

 

**Darcy Lewis, Sneaky Fairy**

 

Lunch is demolished in less of a hurry than expected, considering the appetites being catered for. It's followed by an argument over who does the dishes, (Sam and Scott lose,) and then Jane is eager to get on with the testing of her modified machine. Except that it's started raining.

  
Another argument ensues as Darcy and Jane debate with Clint about why testing the generator in the rain is A Bad Idea. (Darcy and Jane say they need to make sure it can be used in any kind of weather, but Clint is of the opinion that they've yet to test it properly without having to worry about water, wind, and other storm associated phenomenon.) The argument looks set to continue into the foreseeable future when Steve comes out of the room designated as ‘office’ to announce that ‘we're needed’ and after a ten minute whirlwind of activity, the team is out the door.

  
Jane and Darcy are left staring at a closed door in an empty cabin.

  
“Did they say where they're going?” Jane asks.

  
“Nope.”

  
“How long they'll be?”

  
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Darcy murmurs, staring vacantly at the door as she slides a hand into a pocket.

  
“Oh. Okay then.” Jane looks around at the strangely quiet room.

  
“How do they get there?” Darcy wonders out loud.

  
“Where?”

  
“Wherever it is they're going,” Darcy says as she rolls her eyes.

  
“I have no idea,” Jane replies. She slumps against the door, forehead hitting the wood with a solid thump.

  
“Shit,” she mumbles quietly. “Barton still has the key to the woodshed.” She lifts her head up with a small whimper, absently rubbing at her brow. “How can I can do my work if I can't get to my machinery? Do they just expect me to sit around and twiddle my thumbs until they get back?”

  
“There, there, Jane,” Darcy hums mysteriously as she draws her hand out of her pocket with a flourish. “Everything's under control.” Jane's eyes light up as she spies the item her friend is holding.

  
“Is that the key to woodshed?”  
Darcy grins. “Yes, it is.”

  
(Clint sends her a frustrated text message several hours later. She replies with emojis.)

  
**

  
The rain doesn't clear for three days. After coffee, and a proper, grown up conversation, they agree to wait for the rain to clear before playing with their modified toy.

  
Darcy potters around the cabin, Jane studies the notes that came with the modified generator, and they both start going a little stir crazy.

  
On the fourth day Darcy unlocks the woodshed and they carry the generator up towards the cliffs until they find a good sized clearing.

  
Then, they experiment.

  
By the time the ragtag superheroes return, three more days after that, they've got it all figured out.

  
**

  
“I've got it all figured out!” Jane announces blithely once the gang have showered, eaten, and slept.

  
“Got what figured out?” Steve asks as he wanders sleepily into the kitchen looking for more food.

  
“The matter disintegrator,” Jane replies. “I know how it works now.”

  
“So, no more disappearing tree trunks?”

  
“Not unless we want them to disappear.”

  
“What do we want to disappear?” Sam asks as he follows in Steve's footsteps. The pair shuffle around each other in the tiny kitchen as they fortify themselves for whatever the day will bring.

  
“Tree trunks,” Jane says. “Or rather, not disappear. I've figured out how to use the disintegrator on my wormhole generator.”

  
“That's good,” Sam says, but he doesn't sound very confident of the fact.

  
“Of course it's good,” Jane insists. “It's got different settings, right? For example - there's been a rockslide and people are buried, right? I can clear away the pile of rocks without hurting or damaging anything living, and then transport any injured survivors to the nearest hospital.”

  
Steve and Sam both stop what they're doing, look at each other, then turn around slowly.

  
“What?”

  
“You can do that?”

  
They speak over the top of each other, but Jane just grins. She's got their attention.

  
**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, I'm taking prompts for this. I have a vague idea of things to do with it, but could always use more ideas!


	11. Jane Foster, Demonstration Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PMDAWG Demonstration time, but a good start doesn't last long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GinKitsune14 whose comment on this a few days ago reminded me that I had a half finished chapter… and then I had An Idea so hopefully there'll be more chapters too :-)

 

Sam and Steve wake up the rest of the team. It takes three pots of coffee, two cartons of eggs, a coronary of bacon, and four attempts at an explanation before everyone understands what's going on.

Steve and Clint are still dubious about the whole thing. Scott asks if he can look at the schematics and notes, and Bucky is busy telling Darcy and Sam how it's just like this story he read once in an Amazing Science Fiction magazine before the war. He's practically vibrating with excitement at seeing the disintegrator in action. 

Eventually Steve and Clint agree that the paperwork is in order and Scott assures them the machine is safe. 

(Jane bristles a bit, because they wouldn't take her word for it but the minute a Man says it's okay - Darcy has a tight hold on Jane's arm by this stage - she agrees, but they're too close to getting what they want so she whispers furiously in the other woman's ear and Jane simmers gently but quietly instead.)

The testing phase begins.

The first demonstration is in the clearing near the cliffs. Using a small, tightly controlled beam, Jane successfully creates a small hidden cave in the cliff face by carving out small sections at a time. First she creates a narrow fissure about two meters long. Then she carves out an area about three meters wide and stretching about five meters back into the cliff. It only takes her two hours.

After that she demonstrates NOT disintegrating chunks of tree trunk, and how the beam of the disintegrator can be widened or tightened depending on the requirements.

Everyone is quietly impressed, but Steve still isn’t convinced that it won’t accidentally zap a person out of existence by accident. So Darcy skips off to stand in front of the cliff, and before anyone realises what’s going on, Jane points and shoots.

Pandemonium erupts.

Sam and Bucky are by her side in 0.2 seconds flat, pulling her away from the cliff and out of the line of fire so fast she almost gets whiplash.

Steve grabs the generator out of Jane’s hands, and the moment she loses contact with it, it sputters and dies.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Steve snaps at Jane. “Are you trying to kill her?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jane retorts. “Do you really think I’d do anything to harm my best friend?”

“If it looks like a duck-” Clint starts.

“SHUT UP, CLINT!” 

Jane whips around to where Bucky and Sam are still reassuring themselves that Darcy's okay. 

“Darcy, how many times did I point this thing at you while they were off gallivanting around the world?”

“Twenty seven,” Darcy says proudly. “And once at a rabbit.”

“We were not gallivanting,” Steve says between gritted teeth, “and I can't believe you've been experimenting on your best friend.”

“Well, you weren't here to help,” Darcy says with a flounce, “and did you miss the bit where she did it on a rabbit first? Also, I'm  **still here** !”

“Why did you only use the rabbit once?” Bucky chimes in with the most important question yet.

“Errr-” the two women say together.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted a good collective name for bacon, and decided that coronary was as good as anything… 
> 
> I'm also open to suggestions for this thing, the crackier, the better ;-)
> 
> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


	12. Impressionist Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid crew learn the fate of the rabbit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've had this written and ready to post since about Feb 18th give or take. No excuses, but I have rewritten bits of it several times now whilst writing the next chapter…
> 
> Anyway, onward Ho!
> 
> Beta'd by phoenix_173

**Impressionist Fairy**

 

* * *

 

 

It takes far longer than it should to get the whole story out of them. Mainly because Steve refuses to give the generator back and Jane refuses to talk until it's back in her hands.

Even his patented ‘disappointed in you’ look doesn't work. All that happens is Darcy rolls her eyes at him while Jane just glares in stubborn silence.

Right as it looks like there's going to be a tug-of-war over the machine, Sam steps in to mediate.

“Okay, okay - time out! This isn't doing anyone any good. Has this machine done anything dangerous yet today? Has it not done  _ exactly _ what Jane said it would do?”

Steve exchanges a glance with Scott who just shrugs. 

“It has behaved perfectly,” Steve admits reluctantly. 

“Right. Let's start again then, shall we?” He gives Steve the kind of look that only a best friend can give and Steve shakes his head in defeat.

Sam holds his hand out for the wormhole generator and once Steve hands it over, he hands it back to Jane, who caresses it possessively and gives Steve the kind of look that can only be described as shooting daggers.

“So, the rabbit?”

She and Darcy exchange their own look and then Jane lifts her chin.

“It ran right through the beam when we were testing it on the cliffs. I stopped as soon as I realised but… come and see.”

She turns and walks quickly up along the cliff face, pushing through a stand of trees into another, smaller clearing.

As everyone follows they can clearly see where bits of the cliff have been cut away. Jane walks up to an area on the far side of the clearing and points at a section at ground level.

It's rabbit shaped.

Or more correctly, there's a piece of rock sticking out from a shallow cut that's rabbit shaped.

The superheroes all stare at the rabbit sculpture for several minutes and then they all turn to look at Jane.

Steve takes the lead.

“You turned a rabbit into stone?” he asks in an uncertain voice.

“What? NO!!!”

“Oh my, Thor. NO!” 

Jane and Darcy are wearing matching expressions of horror as they deny the accusation.

“It leapt into the beam as I was experimenting with the shape right after I'd been  **not** vanishing tree trunks,” Jane explains. “Then it sat there and cleaned it's ears and whiskers for a minute or so while we both gaped at it before hopping away. It was definitely unharmed. I promise!”

There are sighs of relief all round.

“And it left an impression behind,” Bucky says in an awed voice. “That's amazing.”

Jane smiles and preens. Just a little.

“Okay then,” Steve says at last. “Carry on. But maybe warn us if you're going to point it at any actual people again.”

“Darcy knew exactly what I was doing,” Jane says haughtily, still obviously peeved with Steve. “ **And** \- for your information - I've disabled the living-thing-disintegration element. It  **can't** happen. Not even by accident. And what's more-”

Jane cuts herself off as Darcy taps her on the shoulder and whispers in her ear. Jane frowns, gives Steve an evaluating look, and then glances back at Darcy.

Only Steve and Bucky hear her reply of “You think he'll understand any of it?” and Darcy's response of “I dunno but it can't hurt to try, right?”

Jane turns her attention back to Steve and glares at him briefly before schooling her expression into one of conciliation. 

“Would you like a more, er, detailed demonstration,” she says, sending a doubtful-looking glance back at Darcy who nods encouragingly.

Steve blinks. “What? Why?”

Jane barely refrains from rolling her eyes. “So you can get a better understanding of how it works,” she says in a manner usually reserved for the particularly obtuse and slow of comprehension.

Steve has much better control of his face and shows no sign of what he's thinking. 

At all.

“What did you have in mind?” he asks.

“Well, Darcy and I were thinking a bigger cave might come in handy in case we ever need a bolthole,” Jane says.

“Why would we need a bolthole?” Scott asks from where he and Clint are still inspecting the rabbit impression.

“Always have an escape route for when the bad guys find you,” Darcy intoned. “First rule of going into hiding.”

“No one will find us here,” Steve says firmly. “We're miles from anywhere.”

Darcy fixes him with a baleful glare. “Dude. Are you  **trying** to jinx us?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)
> 
> It's full of Marvel, Discworld, Star Wars, Star Trek, fanfic, musings, and lots of other random stuff. Also, you can shout inspiration and encouragement at me, cos I can always use a bit of motivation!

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is  
> [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


End file.
